Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye

Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye 1.jpg

Thanks to /u/jolarbear for this sample.

So I originally told /u/Devoz , prior to puppy-cide threats and other things, that if this whisky showed up to the recent Canadian/Toronto reddit whisky meetup, I would review it.

And I also said I’d make a sexual innuendo about Jim Murray. As a bonus I was told if I parodied this video

Then too many people made the joke and I assume whatever Humane Society near /u/texacer is bereft of puppies and in high supply of boot shaped blood splotches, one reminiscent of clouds during a muddy time of year, and the pools near iron mines.

Shit. I’ve already started doing it, almost like I’m some schmuck who can’t pass up a challenge, like your buddy who tries to bang all the women in Weight Watchers.

So Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye is now a gift from Ceres, mixed together to Dionysus’ own specification, and sent out with a cute little white bag. Made with Canadian rye grain, it’s from the North… I should assume. There’s not much I can speak to.

Well… you may have heard that Jim Murray gave it Whisky of the Year. Not best Whisky, or best Rye, but Whisky of the Year. And from now on, giving someone a “Jim Murray” is the act of a prostitute saying you’re the best lay she’s ever had.

Fuck, better get to the whisky.

Crown Royal Northern Harvest Rye.jpg

Price: $32.60

Region: Canada

Abv: 45%

Colour: 2.5Y 6/6

Nose: Sugar, soft rye, vanilla, passion fruit, Jell-O

Less malt sweet, and more white sugar sweet. Like smelling a cooler when you’re a kid. It’s off putting, but alluring. Then it calms down, like the North Sea when Ao Shun shows his patience with us, and is benevolent to all.

Truly we are blessed by his patience.

Also it’s not that spicy. So that helps.

Taste: Passionfruit, creamsicle, ginger, pepper, peanut

Fruity. Better than Crown Royal. The normal maple sugar has evolved through the years in the oak, picking out the best oils, surviving against the cold winter that angers us while making us feel like manly men and strong women, all at once.

The rollercoaster stops at the top of the loop though, leaving us with a nutty handjob that scraps the scrotum and leaves dark gashes that can only truly be fixed by too many drinks and not enough time.

Oh, and the ginger is nice as well, though it’s not mind blowing.

Finish: Cinnamon, wood, caramel, cookie, soft cotton

Cinnamon sneaks up like a lost Monty Python sketch that was somewhat funny yet has seen better days, and should probably be put to rest. The cotton is back from the fields, now separated by uncaring machines, an improvement over the days before, yet still needing work.

I like the finish.

Conclusion: So let’s get down to brass tacks: It’s a nice dram, and it’s going in the right direction. Is it mind blowing? Did I, in fact, blow the well seasoned hookers mind with my amazing moves and massive penis? God no.

It’s soft, subtle, and better than other Crowl Royal options out there. It differs enough, and does it well. Is it the best Canadian I’ve had this year? No. Not at all.

Should they keep trying this way? Yes. Hells yes, in fact. Does that make all the “smooth” whiskies I’ve had that aren’t that great better? God no.

Look: End of the day, this is an okay dram. Not great.

73/100

World Whisky review #119, Canada review #42, Whisky Network review #583

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